Scribbles on a Notebook

Saturday was probably the hardest but most fun day in the history of poolie meetings. We got to the office at 8 am and drove to Asheville for our monthly IST in front of master sergeant. This was my FINAL IST... The one that counts for me getting into bootcamp. Lots of pressure.. Yeah. So, my hang sucked... Not really.. It just wasn't my best. 54 seconds. My crunches were really good... 85. And my run time!! Woohoo! Fastest female with the time of 12:17!! Pretty good for me... My best time yet. After all that we played a very strange game of softball. No one really knew the scores, everyone was too busy talking smack. I think it had something to do with waaaaaay too much tesasterone. Anyway.. About two hours in the SUPER hot sun and we were exhausted. Everyone just wanted to go home... Yeah right. So! Gunny decides that it's been too easy of a day for us and that we need to go PT. (Physically Train) We decided to go over to lake Summet (MY lake!!) and swim at Justin's aunt's lake house. Well, we did laps, then did pushups.. Then laps then pushups. Then we treaded water and did leg lifts... Then Gunny decides that we need cardio training. So we start this race. We run barefoot around the lake about 1/2 mile to the public access place, jump into the water, swim about 150 meters back to the boathouse, and then repeat. We did not 4, not 6, but 10 laps that way. That's 5 miles and 1500 meters... That's A LOT. We were told that if we got too tired, to stop and wait on the dock. Well, out of 15 people only 6 finished the whole amount. And me? Well, I was never more than 3 people from the front of the pack! I was so proud! I didn't think I could make it... But I kept telling myself that I wasn't going to stop until I was in the back.. Because as long as I was in front on somebody I had more strength than they did and I couldn't quit when I could still keep going. About halfway through I stepped on a piece of glass and it lodged in my second toe. Man that hurt. But I pulled it out and put a bandaid on it and kept running. After all that we still had to swim laps and do pushups and stuff like that. Then we played King of the dock!! Woohoo! I love that game! We had so much fun! No one could breathe we were laughing so hard. Oh.. And did I mention that I had to swim in my LARGE shirt because we didn't know we were going to swim? It was like pulling a parachute behind me.. It was awful. After that, my niece Danielle had wanted me to come spend the night at her apartment, but all the poolies were going to Ryan's Steak House to eat. So I asked her if she wanted to tag along.. She did. So we ate, had them sing happy birthday to Gunny (no it wasn't his birthday) and then left for her house.
Ahh... What a night. We got over there, and one of her friends calls her to tell her that he's singing kareoke at this little restaurant downtown (she lives in Brevard). So we decide we'd love to go see. That was probably the funniest thing I have ever seen... These REALLY drunk people kept coming up to sing al these songs.. It was really bad!! haha! But sooo funny. Her friends actually did a really good job. He almost talked me into going up there, but I was like noo way!
I was soooo tied but we didn't even get in bed till 3 Saturday night.. And then danielle got a call at 6:30 and had to go to work. She's a firefighter so she's on call whenever. I was too tired Sunday night at church.. I could hardly even stand up for choir practice... I got in bed at around 11 last night.. And I'm still tired.. I think I'll go take a nap or something.
love peace and potato chips!

Shh!! Top secret stuff!

Idk y I'm posting. Susannah's in Deleware, and no one but Laura and maybe Becky will read this. But whatever... three people read this anyway. I mostly post for myself.
I got this thing that I'm not really suposed to have.. but I love it! And I will NOT give it up. It is, my friends, a schedule. And not just any schedule. OH no. It is THE schedule. The schedule of bootcamp. A day by day, hour by hour detailing of what is going to happen. I know when we run, when we eat, when the gas chambers are, everything! It's sooo cool. It took me forever to find. And the site had a print protection program on it.. so I had to hand write everything. But it was worth it. I am now VERY pumped. I also knocked Two mins off my run time!!! I am SO excited!! In just one day!! Weds it was 15:08.. then on thurs it was 13:23!!! That's HUGE!!!
Today, I went to a marine meeting again... Anyways... I have told you guys that I have been tired, and that we were worked hard.. This tops them all. it's too long and I'm too tired to type it all tonight..
So. I'll tell you about it later.. for right now I'm going to post the lyrics to my new favorite song. It's an older song..

Drops of Jupiter
By Train

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, heyS
he acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there’s time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

Now that she’s back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there’s time to grow, hey, hey
Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
I’m afraid that she might think of me as plain ol’ jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you’re wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone Conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the milky way

And tell me Did you sail across the sun,
Did you make it to the milky way
To see the lights are faded
And that Heaven is overrated
Did you fall from a shooting start
One without a permanant scar
And did you miss me while you where looking for yourself out there?

Did you fall from a shooting star?
And were you lonely looking for yourself out there?

*Sigh* you just have to hear it I guess....

I am NOT a complete idiot...Some parts are missing.

Just kidding! I'm not missing anything... cept maybe common sense. HAH! Ok..
So, I just got finished reading everything in my gorgeous new scrapbook for the 4th time.. It makes me cry every time!! I can't hardly stand it! Susannah.. *sigh* I love you! you are the most awesome person in the world! That was the best gift ever! I love how you were apologizing for grammatical errors I didn't even see...
You know, I have my quiz thing on my IM profile, and I am VERY surprised how poorly everyone is doing. NO ONE knows my rank, or my dad's FIRST name... And other stuff like things about my siblings and all that. I'm not upset at all.. Just a bit ... Taken aback. I guess I don't talk as much as I thought I did. Or my friends don't listen like I thought they did... But it's probably just me.
OH! I need to give you guys the low down...
Saturday, as usual, we had our poolie meeting. We did a full PFT (Physical Fitness Test) which includes: max hang, max crunches, and 3 mile run. Well, the hang wasn't my best, but it was still very good, the crunches were only 2 under my max, and the run...Ha! The run sucked. I haven't run a 5 mile in so long... I passed.. But just BARELY.. Like... I had seconds to spare... Horrible. So naturally, I was all upset and discouraged after that poor attempt when IT happened. Let me explain.
we usually do something exciting and new after our normal IST. This week, we got to go to MY lake and PT!!! I was so excited!! I love swimming! But I knew that it was going to be very physically demanding. I honestly didn't expect to do well.. Especially after that run kicked my butt. When we started, we swam out and around Gunny, and back to the dock. When we got out we did some sort of exercise (leg lifts, crunches, pushups, etc.), and then jumped right back in. No time to stop.. Or breath. This went on for about 45 mins. Then Gunnny had us all get into the water and tried for 5 mins. Then we treaded with out our arms for 5 and then without our legs for 5. We squished tight into a group and treaded even longer. Lots of people flipped out... Just cause we were squished so tight I guess. We then swam all the way across the lake. It was prolly about 450 meters there and back. As I was getting out.. I looked around and realized something... I was all by myself. Everyone else was about 20 feet behind me. That was so cool! Ryan Hendrix is so good at everything! I never can beat him!! And this time I was smokin! Then gunny had us do a race... Up the stairs, run 100 yards, swim 200 meters, and then repeat. As we were going up the stairs, it was me, Ryan, and Brandon neck and neck... And neck.. (w/e). When we started running.. Ryan pulled ahead.. Then we got to the water... I passed him... And kept swimming.. I got out and started running again. As I was getting into the water again, Ryan was getting out.. Brandon was WAYYYY behind (along with the other 13 poolies). I dove into the water and killed myself trying to get all the way out to Gunny. As I got to him.. He shook his head. "I'm really proud of you Erin, but this is pathetic. You shouldn't be beating Brandon and Justin." HA! Little does he know! I finished a good minute and a half before Ryan, and about 3 minutes before everyone else. We did more relays and swam the lake twice more before we left.. And I beat everyone at EVERYTHING in the water!!! I was SOOOOO excited!! Everyone kept telling me afterward that I swam at Mach 3! hahaha! I love it! Some of those guys needed a girl to show them up! They're all body builders with all this muscle and good looks and whatever, so they needed me to show them they are NOT king of the world. I AM!
The REALLY cool part was, When I was running, I was praying to God, asking him just for the strength to keep running. And God said to me, "I am your strength and salvation. Lean on me." and so I did. All I was expecting was for Him to get me through the day. I NEVER expected Him to help me rock! I was singing m own praises all the way home! It was sooo cool. He really is awesome!! I can't even believe it! Man! He gave me just what I needed to keep me motivated! Wow, I love God.

Hey all

I finally got a picture on my profile!! woopee!!!!!!!!

interestinG

Hey I thought this video was hilarious! Watch it if you get some time... Please?

loofas and noodles

My mother just bought this new loofa and she hates the little string thing they put on it. So I stole it. I'm wearing it as a bracelet with this bead thing on it. It's cool cause it's all soft and soapy-smelling. Anyways... That all I have to say about that. I really have nothing to say about noodles, it just sounded cool following 'loofas'. SO! Nothing interesting to say here.

32 days yall. kinda weird... A little scary.

HEY! Susannah! When do I get my scrapbook??? I NEED it! Well... I don't need it in a literal sense... But emotionally I think I'll just DIE without it!!!!!!!!
ok... Now that that's over.

well, I have just decided that Walmart is nearly the funnest place ever. Please let me explain, Susannah, before you bite my head off.
Amber and I thought it would be cool to go to walmart after we had breakfast on Tuesday. Well, it being only 7 in the morning, there was nobody there. We bought a pair of socks each and ran around sliding up and down isles and running from the employees. One guy just looked at us very strangely, and another followed us around. We scared each other one time.. I she walked around a corner when I wasn't expecting her.. It scared both of us so bad! Amber's gum came flying out of her mouth... She tried to catch it about four times before it finally fell on the floor. We both laughed so hard that we ended up on our knees in the middle of the floor. It was great.

wow.. I really have nothing to say, so I'll leave before I say something idiotic. Have a wonderful rest of the day and never forget to feed your little brothers... they can get very.... put out.

Was it always this way?

This is a little thing I wrote.. I really don't know what it is.. But it seems to ... Sum up pretty well my outlook at this time...
I wrote it in Ms. Erbach's class one day.. I changed it a bit.. But this is it


Life happens only slowly, and by the time we realize it's here, it goes away and leaves us puzzling.
When we're vibrant, happy, young,... We hope for tomorrow, yearn for tomorrow. To become, to forget, to live. Always looking forward we waste our young lives with dreams of the future. We prepare ourselves to be something great. Always wishing... Always hoping.
Stronger, older and wiser, we spend our time bracing for a 'rainy day.' Working sleeping eating... Missing out on the dreams we once had. No more time for wishes or daydreams. Our time is filled elsewhere, though where and what for is undetermined. As long as we make it there fast and on top. Thinking always about what's ahead and worrying over it. Dreams are forgotten, lives are hurried through unnoticed. Our hopes of greatness shoved aside in pursuit of prosperity.
Now old, incapable, and decrepit, we idolize the past and treasure our memories. Rehashing things that happened, or perhaps didn't happen, and forget. Forget who we are, what we're doing, where we're going. Only yesterday stays alive in our dying minds. The only thing we now wish for is a chance to return. To return to the past that we have wasted.
Is today ever really here? Or is it a flicker of hope always evading capture until finally, it leaves and we have nothing to long for except the past. The past we have used to get us to where we are now; a place we never really wanted to be. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is never here. Today? Today is transition into tomorrow. Today; always here and never gone. And yet we never accomplish anything 'today'. Tomorrow is always our goal.
What hope, then, does this generation have? What can be done to save us from our future? Dreams have failed, reminiscence is a steel trap that closes cruel claws around the unsuspecting. Is there any hope for today?
Beware to the emotional historians. If today had not once been then yesterday would not exist. Make todays something to remember instead of remembering yesterdays.
Beware to the dreamers. Today is a precious gift that gives us, in a sense, a tomorrow. Tomorrows are worth nothing if there is nothing invested in a today.

If today cannot be beautiful, how can tomorrow hope to surpass?

Ha! I found me!

Hey guys. "Some" of you (meaning one) have expressed concern regarding my current emotional, physical, or psycological state. I must tell all of you that I am perfectly fine. If at times it seems I seem a bit distant, it's because I have lots on my mind. I mean goodness, I have graduation, Karate Nationals, upcoming bootcamp, and allllll of my friends telling me how much they'll miss me when I leave. Not that I don't love all of those things.. but it's a lot of pressure. trying to cram all of this stuff inot the remaining weeks that I have is horrendous. And on top of that I have some friends that are just being stupid so I'm busy worrying about them, and worrying about Honduras, and just plain stressin out. So! That's why. I have a lot on my mind. It's not cause I don't love each and every single one of you... it's just cause I'm distracted.

I have had a revolutionary idea. Chris thinks it's crazy.. but I think it could work.
I was at the movie theater, and I realized that none of the cups fit the cup holders. But if you make the cup holder big enough to hold the large.. then it's too big for the small. so! I have come up with a million dollar idea. What if... WAIT!!!!!
This idea is MINE and no one can take it! For all you blog surfers.. if anyone steals this idea I will hunt you down and kill you!
Ok,
you have this cup holder with a little lever on the side that when you pull foward, decreases the size of the hole. And when you pull back, it increases the size. you can make it fit ANY cup! poeple would have them in the theater, in cars, lazy-boys... the possibilties are endless!!! This is pure geneous!
Alright... so it's a crazy idea... I still think it could work.
I'm really tired.. so I'm gonna go. I'l ttyl. Bubbye!

Have a little faith...

You know what I'm sick of?? Grr.. I can't even stand it.
All these people that have some sort of prejudice or bad expiriance with the military and try to tell me that... well, I'll give you examples.
My recruter came into the dojo and got introduced and all that jazz. After he left I was talking to some "un-named person" about what we did in poolie meetings and stuff, and they asked if I liked my recruter. I said "Yes, I not only have a high respect for him, but I also value his friendship and mentoring." This "UP" then declared that is was good that I liked him now becasue I would "Grow to hate that man".
And I know that bootcamp is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I'm not sugar-coating it. But my goodness! Am I not allowed to have a positive outlook on it?? Can I not look forward to all the they will teach me, and all the things I will have a chance to do? Can I not be excited about the more interesting things that are going to happen to me? It seems like every time I say that I'm exctied about bootcamp people laugh at me like I'm either niive or stupid. Is there no respect anywhere???? Do you know that not once have I been thanked for signing away 5 years or more of my life to help protect these stupid little people that run around pretending they know what's going to happen to me? Do have any clue as to how many times people have warned me about the "temptation" that goes along with working with mostly males. They tell me that I'll be raped.. they tell me that it'll be too hard... they tell me I'll hate the structure, that I won't pass... Well I say "SHUT UP!" I will NOT be a statistic! I will NOT give up, give in, be weak, or let someone take advantage of me. I am not the type of girl to sit back and let something happen to me. People don't believe me when I say that I can take care of myself. They don't believe me when I say that I would walk away with a body part before my attacker would win. What the general public doesn't know is that I'm ME. If you don't really know someone, shut up. Don't tell them what they can or cannot do. I'm about to get angry at the America I have so passionately defended. Both in deed and conversation. Can 'we the people' really have learned nothing in the last century? I thought we could do 'anything we put our minds to', yet every time you turn around, you're told you can't do something. Because of whatever reason, we limit ourselves to others expecations, and it makes me sick. There are so many people that have so much potential ... and most of them will never amout to anything because they rely on other people for their strength. They can only do what they're encouraged to do. Not what THEY think they can do, but what others tell them they can do. It's disgusting. It really makes me upset to see so many lives wasted... And I do see... I talk to people all the time who I think could realy use the Marine Corps... I ask them what they're doing with their lives, and then ask if they'd like to think about the Marines. Do you know what 99% of them say?? "Oh I could never do something like that. I'm not strong enough." And you know what? I would bet that 80% of those people are relying on the fact that someone else doesn't think they can do it. Whether it's parents, friends, family, who knows... but they all live with that ghost. The one that lives inside telling you that something is impossible. I hate it. It hurts me to see the self esteem in this country be depleted. Even the cockey ones are only puffing themselves up for fear of being critisized. I can't talk about it anymore.. it exausts me. I'm sorry this wasn't the most uplifting post ever.. but it's what was on my mind... it needed to come out.

This is the Moment Of Twuf. Here 'tis.

Hey all! I am back for a lovely trip to the beach, I am tan, peeling, and SO glad to be home. I know this sounds like, so weird to you guys, but I am a schedule type of person and I need some sort of routine so that I don't go crazy. Just sitting around not knowing what was going to happen in the next hour was really getting to me. I think I scared everybody.. I just got really weird.. kinda.. Idk.. I get depressed when you leave me alone with my thoughts, then I start thinking about my life and the junk that's going on and wondering what the future holds... and then I get weird. I end up not really wanting to talk to neone, or do anything, and get really annoied at litle stuff. it's almost like I handle stress as an escape and I handle and escape like stress... Woa.... scary
so neways.. that's why the military is so good for me! God knew.. He always does.
So! that was just a little teaser for when I have time to actually write something interesting.. right... like anything I write is interesting to anyone but me! ha!
Oh well..
Talk to you guys later!

Peace and apples!

Ernie

Say what?

ok, I did not mean that I saw "What About Bob Friday"... I meant that I saw "What About Bob" on friday. Sorry for whatever reaction that that slight error caused you to have. goodbye!

Are we there yet? How 'bout now? Now???

OK! you know, I keep meaning to come here and post, but somehow I just never get time to. or when I do I have nothing interesting to say, not that that's abnormal. I just sent out my graduation invatations the other day. You know, ever since I started school, I dreamed about the day that I would graduate and be done with it all. But now that it's here, I'm kinda indifferent. I know that sounds strange to all those who are no graduating, but once you get here, you'll know. It's like, I'm not scared, but I'm not excited either. Just kinda blah. I don't think it's fully hit me that I won't be in high school anymore. It's very strange to think about. Suddenly, in a single instant,( well, not just an instant, but you know what I mean ) everything I've ever known is going to change. I don't think I'll fully understand that until bootcamp. Somehow, I'm not nervous. I'm not scared or anxious or anything. I'm actually kinda excited about it. I'm looking forward to bootcamp. ok, enough of that.

For all of those that I told about this, listen up. You know who you are.
I do NOT have a crush. That phase is over. He is not what I expected... Sigh... I think I'm doomed to never have crushes. That's so sad. Oh weel!

I saw Ladder 49 yesterday. I cried.
I saw Finding Neverland today. I cried.
I saw What About Bob Friday. I laughed hystericaly.

Well, I'm gonna go. I guess I'll ttyl. BUBBYE!

The proud owner of a belly button!

Hey yall! I juat had the most awsome day!
Well, mostly.

OK! So, I had my marine function today. We all (meaning RSS Ashville as well) went to johnson city to the ISVM (pronounced is-vam), and had the most incredible day! There were so many poolees there!

We started by trying out this really cool simulator. it's like a big video game. You get a weapon and fire through an air compresser towards this screen of bad guys and junk like that. I got to use an M16 and a K23. The M16, for those illiterate people! *wink wink* , is and automated 22 caliber rifle, and the K23 is a missle launcher. IT WAS SO COOL! I blew up like, three choppers and a tank! and I did my best to hit the bad guys, but riflemanship is NOT my strong point. I did ok... for a girl...
NEXT! we went to an obstical course that MY recruter had set up (I was proud.. sry) and he split us up into teams, of course putting RSS Hendo together as a team, and we went through it. our team had the record time for the whole day! A whole minute and a half faster than anyone elses. I was exstatic. but I cut my knees to peices. so now my knees and hands are awful. BTW climbing around on unfiished wood hurts like crap on open sores on your hands. I thought I was gonna die.... not really, I enjoyed it, but it just sounds dramatic. And then!
We went to PT (physical training), and our group did THE BEST! AHH! I an so happy. I did the best I've ever done on an IST. I got a whole minute and 45 seconds faster on my run, did 81 crunches (my norm is around 70) and hung for 1:06. one of my better times. I am so pumped! I can't even talk straight.
And then for lunch we had MREs... gag. Mine was awful, but brandon let me have some of his. it was just an awsome motivating day! OO-RA!

OK! So, I am almost dead on my feet, so I'm going to go sleep now! Goodbye! and have awsome days!

A House Long Bereft of Lordship

I would like everyone to know that I now have a quarter in my pocket. I mean, I just discovered it about half a second ago, but it has cheered me up considerably.

OH! GUESS WHAT! My review was in the paper today! I mean, not MY review, but A review about the play! And they liked me! They really liked me! They called me a "lovely young actress" and later gave me a "special mention" for my "exceptional performance", saying I "played my role to the hilt." I don't exactly know what to the hilt means, but I hope it's something complimentary.

In other news ... um ... I'm tired.

Oh, and EVERYONE has to come see my play. Well, not everyone, just some people. Enough so we don't have to cancel.

Speaking of canceling, my head itches. I just scratched it, though, so that's now old news.

Oh, yeah. I'm still all confused. About everything. So, no progress to report in THAT area.

Oh, yeah. I HATE George Orwell. I mean, I don't hate him, but I'm sick of the guy. Seriously. After this project is over, I will never, ever, ever read anything by him again.

The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain, but in Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire, hurricanes hardly ever happen.

I really am tired. And I'm trying not to get all depressed, because I lied about the progress thing. Things are SLOWLY starting to make sense. But I don't feel like writing about that right now. In fact, I don't feel like writing about much of anything, so I will leave. Because I wasn't hungry a few seconds ago, but I am now.

So, be cool.

Video imaging and BBQ chips...

The title has nothing to do with anything... Other than chips and digital photography... But nothing relevant to this blog post... At least... Not that I know of... Although I did eat chips today... And the monitor that all of you are so pitifully staring at is a product of video imaging.. But I'm off the subject. Not that there is a subject.. Just makes me feel important to be 'off the subject'.
So! How are all of your little lives??? Hum? Well, mine is perfectly... Um..... Imperfect. Yeah.. That's about it. I'm stressed out way too much and mom wants me to do all of this extra stuff that I just don't have time or energy for. Like a talent contest in TN, and a Easter play... And I JUST CAN"T DO IT! AHHHH! If ALL I had to do was English... I MIGHT be ok! But then History, though pushed back a week, is still untouched as far as projects are concerned... And at least 2 hours a day to work out (including karate) and math and science and RUNNING EVERYWHERE on the face of this earth!!! I CAN'T do it! I just CAN'T. But I really have no choice.
And then! AHHHHHHHH! I could just shoot myself!
My recruiter put me on a new workout program.. I really do like it... But on Saturday when we had our meeting with the Asheville group, I did the worst I have ever possibly done in all the events.. And when I weighed in.. I had LOST weight! What was worse was that everyone knows me and was like, "what's up with you today!" "is anything wrong?" blah blah blah... It made me want to cry. Gunny pulled me aside and told me that it was to be expected and that my body was just rebelling and I needed to take charge again. "Next week, you WILL do better." almost like... I don't know.. Like I had let him down. I guess I kinda did... I did so terrible. I failed the run by like, a minute... And I have been running all week!! AHH! I just... It was a real moral kick... Right in the stomach. I guess I just need prayer... Bad.... If I can't step it up a notch.. I don't know what'll happen... If I fail the ist next sat... Oh dear...

Well, I guess I'm gonna go.... I need to run to karate so I can breath again... TTYL! Bubbye!

PS- I'm really not in a bad mood... I just needed to share that.

PS- Did you know that 'what'll' is not actually a word! I did not know that! Maybe I'm an ignorant hick... whatever... So be it.

Gotta find a place where there are no walls.

Well, I'm back on the internet world! I have been so busy! I fully intended to have this huge long post about Honduras, but I'm too tired to attempt such a thing. I guess I just need to tell you some stuff.
I'm exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I'm trying to be happy and uplifting but I'm too tired to really be gigglly. I know that I can't get all my school done by the time that Mrs. Erbach wants it done. I also know that if I keep to this exercise program that Gunny put me on, I will never be able to do anything except exercise and school. I'm going CRAZY!!! I NEED some friends time! Just to talk and do whatever. NOTHING structured!!! NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING! I honestly can't take scheduling anymore!

My toe is bleeding. I'm not sure why.

The title is in a song but it seemed to fit my mood.
I ran today. I didn't think I could make it all the way... But I did. I kept on praying that God would make me better but not perfect. And He did. It was cool. Taylor followed me on his bike. I beat him.
There is a screaming woman on TV. I think she's in the hospital, but it's still really creepy.
I keep needing to cry... Like emotional breakdown cry... But I never can find a convenient time to do so. I have had so much stress and junk to do that I really need to sob and then eat a lot of chocolate. Too bad I can't. Poo.
Welp I'm really tired and I need to go to bed... That's all I ever do.. eat, work, school, sleep. Then Repeat.

Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out, who was left?

Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete feel out, who was left?

Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out, who was left?

ok enough of that! Goodbye!

Oximorons

I know that last post was really long, and I really contridicted myself in the end.. I started off really depressing, and then I got really motivated! oh well! hope you don't fall asleep...

pools of self pity and doubt....swimming... mmm.

Well, That's about all I have to say on that subject. NEXT!

I have a very strange problem. I don't have a life, at least, not the type of life that is good for me. I have school that I squeeze in between poolie stuff and church and karate and everything else that I'm supposed to do, and I never have time to just hang out and have fun. I can't remember the last time I was with a group of my friends and was just able to laugh... I really miss that. Laughing seems like such a simple thing to crave, but I crave it nonetheless. Oh, it's not like I DON'T laugh, it's just not the kind of laughing that make you throw back your head with tears streaming down your face. Or even the kind of laughing where you feel comfortable. The kind where you don't have to quit. I guess I just need time with friends.

Welps... I now have all the motivation I need to get through boot camp. I know that was random and unexplaned, but it's what's on my mind.. or in me head,.... whichever.
I have a new recruter, he has to be my favorite! omg, I have so much to talk about... I guess I have to start at the beginning and keep some sort of timeline so you guys can keep up. The Henderson poolies met at 830 and started driving towards Cashiers (bout two hours away) where another poolie lives. I, being the only girl, have claimed the front seat as my own, and no one challenges me because Gunny said so, and Gunny's a sniper. (hehe.. go me!) ANYWAY! We get to a gas station where we're supposed to meet this guy, and we all need to go to the bathroom, but I helped Gunny unload first. The bathrooms were in the back of the building outside and near the dumpsters. When I finally got back there, I was the only poolie and I was surrounded by latino men. At least 20 were back there and they really started to get loud. It made me so mad! And scared! Crude comments like "hey, can I come in there with you?" and junk like that. Cat calls and stuff all over the place. I, being me, rolled my eyes visably and ignored them. When I got back to the van, I was kind shook up cause they were all up on my case and all that... kinda thought I might have to punch one of them. Well, when I got back, Gunny, being as awsome as he is, asked me what was wrong.. "nuttin" I say... "yeah well," he replys "I've never seen anyone as happy and motivated as you go to the bathroom and loose it all. what's up?"
When I told him that they had made cat calls, he got so mad. He was all like "That's disrespectful to women! I can't stand that! Idiots! I gotta go!" he jumps out of the van and throws on his cover(hat) and walks back towards the group of guys. He picked the biggest, meanest looking one and stared him down. "Who made a call at my girl? Which one was it? Do you make a practise of degrading women? What were you thinking, son? You think you'll do that ever again?"
man... I was in shock.. I couldn't believe he did that for me... or for anyone for that matter. I told the guys that I was shocked that he had done that and they got upset. They all said that they would have done the same thing if Gunny haden't jumped up. They were hurt that I didn't think that they would... they were all honestly upset that those guys had hooted at me! It was so sweet!! I could have just cried and hugged them all.

We finally got to the community center and did our IST (initial strangth test) (1 1/2 mile run, bar hang, sit ups) and then Gunny thrashed us. (heavy exersize) we did all sorts of jumping jacks, leg lifts, crunches, sprints, twists, and everything else on the planet. We could hardly stand. But I did really well. Only one guy beat my time and my crunches... by 10 secs and one crunch... THEN as if we weren't dead enough... Gunny loaded us up and took us to the Nanhala National Forest... to hike... and not just any up hill, ten mile hike, but one with a pace as fast as you can go without jogging. Try walking as fast as you can and that's about how fast we were going. The only guy that had been there before had never been the full round, so we ended up taking a wrong turn and going 5 miles out of the way straight uphill and back around. You couldn't even get up without using your hands, that's how steep it was. Our legs felt like they were going to fall off after the first 7 miles... that's when we stopped to eat a bananna. That's it... a bananna. When we were done, we were so cold in our sweaty shirts that we were looking forward to get 'walking' again. The last 3 miles of the now 15 mile hike were actually the best. It kinda got to where we felt a numb pain all over but our bodies had been walking for about 3 and 1/2 hours so it became almost habit. Gunny made us stop once to get a picture and we almost didn't get started again. And once we got started, we seriously were dreading stopping cause your muscles would hurt worse when you stopped moving. Tried, VERY muddy, and motivated, we got back to the van and begged for Subway. We each ate a footlong sub, two cookies, and a bag of chips with about two cups of water. Three for me. I drank over a gallon of water that day. And the day before just to be prepared. That's we Gunny told us this:

"This has been really our first outing together as just hendersonville. I am really proud of you guys and very impressed at your drive and ambition. You guys pulled each other through and worked better as a team than a lot of the platoons that I have lead. You guys don't realize it today, but what you just went through, at this elevation and in this cold and with so little food is about what boot camp will be like on a bad day. Parris Island is flat as a board, and you poolies just conquered a mountain. If you can get through what I have put you through today, you can get through anything."

I was so proud of my poolies that day!! It was like the feeling you get when your best friend or your little brother or sister gets the most prestigous award ever. It was only this morning when I realized that I had gotten through that too, and I had reason to be proud of myself. I am finally confident that I CAN get through boot camp. I have this deep trust within myself that God can get me through anything. There were times on that trail that I prayed only for the strength to life my leg one more time. And God did it. He pulled me through. And I couldn't have done it if God hadn't put those exact people in my poolie group. We were what each other needed to get through it. When one of us would fall behind, the rest would go back and grab him. One guy was really hurting on the run, and we all one by one as we finished, circled one last time beside him to pull him through. I am so proud of our comraderie and friendship that I could just burst! I wish I could share it with you guys. Now I KNOW, I know that I know that I know that this is the feeling that I want with me all of my life, and that it's in the Marines that I can find the strength within myself, in God, and in my Marines to get through ANY circumstance! OO-RAH!

Battling.... myself?

I feel like such an idiot. I do the stupidest things, and I don't even appriciate the things that God does for me... He works all these little miracles and I don't even notice.. ARGGGGG!!!!
I really can't stand myself sometimes.

Idiosyncro-what?

I have a problem. Things bug me. No really, they bug me a lot. I noticed today in Karate that certain things just drive me insane!
If someone sneezes, I HAVE to say 'bless you'. I was in the middle of class, and someone in the back sneezed, and I am STILL thinking about how I should have turned around, found the culprit, and told the 'bless you'. I REALLY have a problem with this! It drives me insane to not say it! I will think about this for days, and most likely, next time I see them. I will tell them bless you anyways. Arg... I can't help it.
I also have a compulsive nature to pick things up. If I or someone else drops something, I NEED to pick it up. And not just litter. If someone is at their house and drops a paper onto the floor, if I don't pick it up, I will think about it an feel guilty until I go and pick it up. If, heaven forbid, I leave before I can pick it up, I will think about it and stay awake all night. It really bothers me. I really can't stand it. AH!
Ok, I think that's all that bothers me.. I don't know... oh yes. I can't stand it when people read over my shoulder. THAT bothers me alot! it makes me very uncomfortable. Just so you know... lol

My spiritual life is really good... I really feel like I'm making some progress. However, I cannot talk about it tonight because I'm tired and honestly I'm not in the mood to share deep personal things and progresses. Goodnight. TTYL and don't forget to... *sleeps*, * wakes up to the feeling of keyboard on her forehead* *ouch* nevermind.

Experiences of the God-kind

God is really awsome. He is sooo big that we all have such a different expiriance, and yet they're all correctly God's personality... He's just ... huge. I was reading in 1st Corinthians today and it was really cool. Everything that has come up lately, questions asked of me and subjects that have come up in youth group were all there. Paul knew exactly what was going on and the questions that humans asked... How cool.
I just needed to post these lyrics.. have fun...

I So Hate Consequenses
(just the last part)

All of my escapes have been exhausted: I thought I had a way but then I lost it: And my resistance was once much stronger: And I know I can't go on like this much longer

When I got tired of running from you: I stopped right there to catch my breath: There Your words they cut my ears: You said, "I miss you son, come home": and my sins they watched me leave, and in my heart I so believe: The love You felt for me was mine, The love I'd wished for all this time: And when the doors were closed I heard no I told you so's: I said the words I knew you knew: OH God, oh God I needed you: God all this time I needed You, I needed You.
And I so hate consequenses: And running from you is what my best defense is: Consequenses: God don't make me face up to this: and I so hate consequenses And running from You is what my best defense is: Cause I know that I let you down: And I don't wanna deal with that...



Great words... I love them.. makes me feel like I'm not alone in the way I feel... haha.

Welps... I need to go.. I'm tired and I need a nap b4 karate tonight...
Adios!

Orange pickles...?

Why did God choose the colors that he did? I understand why he made the sky blue and the grass green... because they are two very different colors and they contrast just enough to bring out both colors and make them pretty. But why everything else? Of course, if they were a different color then I would still ask why. I guess I'm just overly curious. Or maybe not. And maybe he just felt yellow when he created bannanas. And whimsicly decided that apples should be a mutitude or colors. Oh well.... you can never figure out something that wasn't done with a purpose. Now, I KNOW that platapy were made for a purpose. To confuse us. How can someone ever say that God doesn't have a sense of humor! I mean come on! have they ever looked at giraffe? HAHA! It looks like someone streached it then hit it twice on the head! Goofy looking thing... how do they ever find dates? I guess it's not so hard when everyone of your dates looks just as goofy as you...
And Hippos! God must have had a blast with hippos! omg.... hahaha!!! Talk about a stupid looking creature! They are sooo FAT! and just round all over! It's great.
My favorite animal is still a duck. They look like they're just about to fall over! How do those little legs and feet hold up all that duck? It's amazing that they don't just fall on their faces! Hahaha! OMG! have you ever seen a duck drunk?!?! THAT is funny. We saw this old movie where the farm animals got into a still and all of them were falling over themselves and each other.. it was great.

Welp, I've done it. I went out and hurt myself (again) last night at the dojo. IIIII did NOT hurt MYSELF. It was an accident! I promise! I had my legs around Chris' (not Chris Merker! Chris Gilbert) waist with my feet locked around each other. Of course he was trying to get out of it cause I was about to choke him out, so he rolled over onto his back. On top of my feet. Everyone heard this really loud pop, and then I just started moaning. Chris really freaked out. He was more freaked out then I was. Everyone thought I had broken it. I told them that I hadn't (although I thought that I might have). they carried me over to the back of the dojo and put an ice pack on it. The pain was localized and came in waves, so I knew that it wasn't broken. Plus it didn't immediatly swell, so I knew that it wasn't a fracture. I thought at first the I had sprained it, but now I'm pretty sure that I just hyperextended the tendon behind my ankle. Not the Achilles, thank goodness, that would have taken forever to heal, but the other one. Of course, I hurt my left foot. So my left leg is just all bad. (I hurt my left knee, and pulled my left quad this summer for all of yall that don't remember) But at least it is my left foot and I can still drive! Lol... like mom would let me go anywhere. Josh last night wouldn't even let me walk to the car. He insisted on CARRYING me!! I was so embarassed and frustrated. All I wanted to do was walk! GRRR! Sorry I'm still a bit mad.
You know, Susannah always makes referance to paragraphs that she's deleted, or should have deleted, .... and it makes me wonder. I have never deleted a paragraph.. should I have? Never mind, there was one that I wished I had never posted and I had to apologize for. But other than that I just write whatever pops into my crazy little head. I guess you could tell that....
But if you ever get offended or bored or whatever, please just tell me! I'll make it right!
I don't have than much more to say..
OH! I had a question to answer!
The sudafed was just a little random thing. I don't why I put that in there. I just felt like it.

Ok... NOW I don't have anything more to say. Of course, I'm sure that something will pop into my head as soon as I hit publish. It always seems to work that way. It's so frustrating.
Walkin in a winter wonderland!
I love the look of snow! It's so pretty and white!
BECKY! I know that I know this... but for the life of me.. I can't remember your middle name! And just like I said I will remember as soon as I post this! Rar!
You know I was thinking about people's middle names, and it's really sad. I Know Amber's, Chris', Mrs. Merker's, and just about everyone elses, but I don't know Justin's. Is that not horrible!?!? I remember when he was born, and I don't even know his middle name! I feel so bad! I know his birthday, and I always send him a card, but I don't know his name! AH! that really makes me feel terrible!

OK! I REALLY am going to go now.. I have to call some people that I was with last night and let them know that I'm ok! haha! they were so worried! They all wanted me to go to the hospital! There was no way I was going to go with kicking and screaming.. lol.
Welp ttyl! love ya lots! goodbye!

Germans, Jokes and Sudafed. Asle 5.

Did you know that Germany invented hamburgers? Wow... something good came out of Germany! No offense to any Germans, but it just seems like the only thing that the Germans ever did was start wars and invent hamburgers. Just like the only thing Russia did was have revolutions and try to take over Poland. Go figure.
I'm not crazy, I do whatever my rice krispies tell me to.
Actually, the voices in me head have been telling me that I'm crazy, I just don't believe them quite yet... Maybe I will later, but I'm too bored today to do anything exciting like become crazy.
I'm going to Karate... Again...
It just occured to me that I have been at the Dojo Monday, tuesday, wednesday, and I am going today. And I plan on going tomorrow... Almost sad... They can't get ris of me... I feel sry for Sensei. He sees me, like, everyday.
I'm getting my hair cut soon. It's gonna look really good, I hope. At least, the picture that I'm taking looks really good. So maybe my hair will just look good.

Well, butterflies are really pretty from far away. But have you ever looked at their face?? Ewww. They look really strange.
I need to go get our gis. yes that is a word. It is our karate uniform. pronounced *gu-ee*s. Yeah. So. Educational expiriance there. My hands are shaking... I'm not sure why... I'm probably going to give up cofee and see if that's it.... I don't want to shake.
Have you ever tried to type while your hands are shaking? It's very hard. I keep hitting keys twice, and not intentionally.
Eww. That's just toture. Dad is listening to this gospel station that sounds like every song is saying "life is hard and it sux, but I'm just pressing on till God comes and gets me. Hurry Lord."
It's very depressing. They're singing a song called "I love to tell the story" but is sounds like someone just died. Slow and in a minor. It makes me want to cry for all those 'happy' christians.

I need food, but I'm not going to eat now, cause if I eat now, I'll get a stomachache in the middle of karate.

I was happy this morning, then dad turned on the music... *shivers*

well, I must go. NRKuplos!

Norht Carilina Stat Speling Champon

Just to clarify to those of you who are not Susannah, and haven't asked this question... I DO NOT check my posts for type-os. I just type what I feel like and then hit 'publish'. I just expect you to get my gist.
And laura! A DI is a Drill Insructor, and as for who he is(or she, there were both), I don't know. Just some random DI who had leave from PI (paris island, for future refrence) and was willing to come and thrash us. And yes that is THRASH, not TRASH. To THRASH is to work hard, or push the limits of. Not to beat, contrary to popular belief.
I had a 'scary' expiriance the other day. My Sensei took everyone off the floor and made me do all of my weapons kata with him and everyone else watching. I know that none of you have expirianced that, so you can't empathize with that, but I do know that most of you have preformed before. It's kinda like that. Only, instead on having to recite lines of a play or skit, you're having to remember movments and manipulations with the weapon. And it's like suddenly your drama teacher tellling you to recite 5 of your only half prepared monolouges in front of the entire class while she stands directly in front of you with her hand to her mouth, and looking you up and down. Now, take that expiriance, and multiply times 10 (If only because Sensei has to be one of the scariest people in the world. And because you have a weapon on top of it all.) Then he makes this noise kinda like 'uss' and has everyone get back one the floor and we continue class. I haven't heard one word about it. It's like it never happened. No suggestions, no 'good job' s, no nothing. It's kinda weird. I almost want him to tell me I did something wrong, just so I'll know that there was a reason that he put me up there like that. Strange, I'm hopeing for critque.
OH well. I'm sure that you all are bored to tears. You know, one time I spent a good 2 hours trying to remember how to spell 'tears' as in like "there are tears in my eyes" because everytime I wrote t-e-a-r-s, I was like 'no that's tears' (as in 'he tears a peice of cloth'). I honestly didn't remember that they are spelled the same. I thought I was going crazy cause I couldn't spell tears. How stupid.
I've been doing really stupid things lately. But I'm going to tell you about them, cause you'll laugh. And it's embarrassing. I feel like an idiot. Oh well. just an average day I guess. Well, ttyl. Goodbye!

Beaten to a pulp. An orange pulp. Actually, more like a peach.

Yep. That's what I am. I look like an apple that's been shipped in a bag of nails carried by a gorrilla, then dropped by the stockers about 12 times. Hehe... can you tell I've been to Karate lately? lol. We wroked each other so hard on friday. Mainly because it's good for you, but also because most of the brown belts are testing, as am I soon. So! I beat 3 out of 5 guys that were there and both of the girls. That is amazing for me! Incredible! That means I beat one green belt (my rank) and two brown belts (5 ranks higher) and two black belts (6 and 7 ranks higher). And I ALMOST beat Josh (third degree brown) but he wouldn't tap and just kept pinching me. But I got him back... he he he.... And the only reason I didn't win against the other guy, a green belt, was because I had grappled 7 times, and he had only grapped twice. Not fair. So! Because I fought so hard, I look like an abused girlfriend. It's sad really. Well, no not really.
Anyways!
I got yelled at by a DI today. I thought it was fun... everyone else was like "that was so scary!" I was thinking "so why are you joining?" but I never said it, aren't you proud? I am.. thank you very much.
All they were doing was telling us what to do and how to do it. Not bad... just in a loud voice. How is that scary? whatever...

Well, I'm in a very athletic mood, so I'm going to go before I bore you.
BY THE WAY! I am SICk and TIRED of people calling me weird because I like to work out and I'm not afraid of bugs! BIG WOOP! I AM joining the MARINES people! Goodness!

Frustration is not good

I am so sick of christians just sitting around and doing squat!!!!! I really can't talk about this cause I'll get really mad. But I'm so tired of christians letting everyone around them do everything. They go to church on sunday morning, don't enjoy it, and forget about it till next week. They don't care the we're going on a mission trip. they don't care that we, by ourselves, are not only raising the money that we need to go, but also the money that will be used to build the building, feed the kids, and buy them clothes. We are getting NO support. No offerings, no supporters, no gfts. nothing. We have to raise $900 for each person, and then a $5000 building money, and $2000 'enrichment' money (for the kids). I am so heartsick. it litterally makes me cry. It is so sad that ina church with 500 members, we can only get 12 that want to go, and 4 of them are not from the church, and 4 of them are our family! So sad. and the ones that don't want to go, won't even give us five dollars! Five dollars! AHH! Stupid stupid stupid!
grr... I'm sorry. I'll shut up now. I need a good hot shower and some sleep. Goodnight.

DEEEP THOUGHTS! *said in a deep resounding vioce*

Hewoo. I drove for the first time by myself today! It was great! all by my lonesome. I could sing as lud as I wanted and no one could hear me! Of course, I got a few weird stares from the people that pulled up beside me at stop lights, but I just serenaded them even more. Well, it was 12 Stones, so it was more like screamed at them. lol.

So! Anyone up fo a game? How about you guess what I'm going to say.
Wrong.
nope.
try again!

OMG!! You're SOOO good at this!! how did you know that!?!?! Wow! You're like, psycic! omg.

NEXT!

has anyone else seen A Series of Unfortunate Events?? I thought it was a great movie. A little weird, but really well done. I had fun and laughed. I'm not sure if I was supposed to, but some things struck me as funny. Corrie and amber didn't like it, but that's ok. They don't have my sense of humor. There was this one part, well, n/m. Some of you might not want me to spoil one of the funniest parts. Sigh, party poopers.

So, anything else interesting happen to me? Nope. It never does. I thing interesting things walk up to me like they are going to happen, then decide to play a trick and then run away and hide behind a bush just to see what I'll do. I seriously think they do it on purpose. They're probably have a nice little chukle right now at my expense. Meany Heads.

HEY! the last two paragraphs ended with an insult! And I didn't even try to do that! Awsome!

One of my favorite cartoons of all time is not one most people think of first off. The Rescuers Down Under. One of the best cartoons ever!"I didn't make it all they way through third grade for nothin!" HAHAHAHA! Who has that movie and would be willing for me to see it?? We lost our copy and I'm dying to see it again. I love it!

Welps I g2g, I need to do all of my school today cause I have a bust weekend coming up! Yehaw! Wow, that was strange.

ok Bubbye!

Thoughts..... thoughts? What are those?

I had this really cool post in my head during sunday school this morning, but I forgot it. Now we'll never know. Oh well.

I need something. Wisdom I gess. I need to make some tough desicions, and it doesn't help that God has been relativly silent. Of course, I've been kinda leaving him out of stuff. Not in a drastic way, it's just that I've been forgeting to read the bible and to pray as much as I should. He's probably just sending me a message.
I feel.... really weird about my current realtionships. I've always been kinda a social butterfly, talking to one group here, and another group there, till I'vegotten to know just about everybody. However, I know everybody in the same superficial way. I don't have many lasting, enduring, close friendships. When I'm in a group of people, I don't know who to talk to. I honestly don't feel very comfortable around anyone when there's big group. I always feel like someone is upset that I'm talking to certain people and not them. I no that's extremely conceeded and stupid, but it's one of those irrational fears. I have the fear of hurting peoples feelings. And the funny part is, the more I try not to hurt people's feelings, the more upset me friends get.
I really need to stop this rant. Cause you have no clue what I'm talking about nor am I about to explain. So I guess I'm at a loss.
There are so many things that I reallllly want to share with someone, but I can't. They're either too personal, or I can't put them into words. weird how life's like that.I neeed sleep. Maybe that will clear my head.

I get my liscense in three days!!!!!! YES!! Two days in about an hour...
well... later!

BTW, I'm really ok. I'm not depressed or anything. I'm just really confused and in a really weird mood. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

Quotes

"Television is a wonderful invention. If anything important happens, anytime, day or night, rain or shine, sleet or ice, no matter where you are, you can always change the chanel. "

"Evening news is where they begin with 'good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't."

"Anytime I see something screech across a room andlatch on to someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get if off, I have to laugh, beacuse what is that thing? "

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness." -Woody Allen


I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us.Pigs treat us as equals. -Sir Winston Churchill


Bessie Braddock: "Winston, your drunk! Churchill: "Bessie, your ugly, but tomorrow morning I shall be sober


Lady Astor: "Winston, if you were my husband I would flavour your coffee with poison" Churchill: "Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it"


Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened. -Sir Winston Churchill

Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

"In the name of peace, we kill each other. In the name of religion, we kill each other. So we decided to laugh at that."

"It is a puzzling thing. Truth knocks on the door and you say "go away, I'm looking for the Truth." And so it goes away. Puzzling."


"The long term is just a bunch of short terms taped together." -Nick Lappos

"Always and never are two words that you should always remember never to use."

Any man, in the right situation, is capable of muder. But not any man is capable of being a good camper. So, murder and camping are not a similar as you might think."

I bet when Neanderathal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big, hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman."

"If at first you don't succeed......... Skydiving is not for you."

"When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?"

"when someone with multiple personalities theartens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?"

"If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?"

"What happens when you get scard half to death twice?"

"When will Erin stop this insanity and become a normal person?" wait... that's not a quote...

Don't I matter to no one?!?!?!


Ahh.. Oh well... you wouldn't understand.

I like beef jerky. Yummy! course some of them peices you gota kinda suck on cause you can't chew them. but it's good all the same.

I g2g.. Bubbye!

OH no! It's the random poster!!*evil music here* AHHHHH!

Sugar, Science, and everything in between.

Life, The universe and everything is the title of a book, and the subject of many many others. Our job as human beings is NOT to comtemplate what we're supposed to do on this earth or to contemplate what others have done or will do or what we think they should do. Yet, what does sociaty, and yes, even the mighty Erin, spend most of their time doing? Just that. Wasting precious time wondering if time is precious. We wonder what if, or if we should, or what the celebraties are doing or what our best friend is doing and why. WHO CARES?!?!?! Nobody. Sadly, the topics we spend the majority of our time is taken up with irrelavent things. I'm really on a do-it-now-cause-you-might-not-have-a-chance-later, kicks. A complement unspoken is a blessing wasted. How true. If you like someones shirt, tell them! It does no one any good to simply think, "that color looks great on her". If you feel the desire to give someone a hug, PLEASE hug them! They might really need it. If not, it always makes people feel better. I'm so sick of finding out, to late, that my original intuitions are correct. I mean to change the world, one person at a time. If I can go around and speak mind when I want to, or compliment the stranger in front of me at the mall, then I can change the world. do you know how many people I came in contact with today? Hundreds. If I had spoken to even half of them today, I could have brightened at least 150 people's days. 150 people a day is 54,750 people a year. If I start now and live even 70 more years, that's 3, 832,500 people I could have touched in my life. That's alot. And if even half of those people, in feeling better, touch only two of their friends, that's twice that amout right there. You thought I was thinking to high in trying to change the world, didn't you? Well, with those odds, I can come pretty close. And guess what? I'm starting with you. If it now your job to carry the message to your friends and family. Keeping compliments and thoughts to yourself is greedy, rude and wasted. Don't be wasteful. It's not good.

Anyways, I'll get off my soapbox. Time to settle down, Erin.

Wow, did you hear about that earthquake? Crazy. Sound like aything to you?? yep... That's exactly what I was thinking. End of the world is comming!!! AHH!
I'm not a freak.....
OK! I LIED! Fine! Geez... what do you want of me anyway? Truth? The truth would scare you. Trust me, you don't want truth.
I love being out of school, but there is no Karate this week, and that sucks! I can't stand it. I'm going crazy not working out. It's funny how your body gets used to something, then when It's not there, it yearns for it. WOW.... sounds like I have a addiction! I DON"T need a support group, so stop thinking it laura. And Susannah, I am NOT dependant. I can stop ANYTIME I want to!....... I just don't want to....

I'm going biking tomorrow.. should be around ten miles. It's gonna be great. There's only one problem, when we bike we have to travel on the main road for about mile and 1/2 to get back on the moutain. The last time I went biking, these crazy rednecks kept driving by and honking at me and my friend. Finally, we got off the main road and back onto the dirt, but that was really annoying. I hate guys... They're so immature.
Lol, Like I have any room to talk, but oh well.

The truth is, excuses are lame...

Yeah... that's in an RK song. Just felt like saying it cause I've been making a lot of them lately. I won't even apoligize because I'll start making excuses again. I have a new favorite song. "Never Alone" by Barlow Girls. I thought I'd post the lirics here so that you can understnad when I start talking about it later.

Never Alone

I waited for you today
But you did show, no no
I needed you today
So where did you go?
You told me to call
Said you'd be there
and though I haven't seen you
Are you still there?

(Chorus)
I cry out with no reply
and I can't feel you by my side
so I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

And though I cannot see you
and I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reasurance
You've placed in my life
we cannot separate
You're part of me
and thought You're invisable
I trust the unseen

I cry out with no reply
and I can't feel you by my side
so, I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

We cannot separate
Cause You're part of me
and thought You're invisable I
Trust the Unseen


That song is just the perfect descirption of how I feel right now. Like, I can't feel or hear God, but I know, I have to believe, that He is out there somewhere just watching me for a while. I also somehow give me peace and understanding. I've been struggling with relationships for a while, and to know now what I'm supposed to do is such a relief. I used to think that I would be married right out of college and I would have a little baby boy within the first two years and I would stay at home while my perfect little husband went to work and when he got home I would have his slippers ready and a hot meal on the table. Apparently, that's not where God has called me to be. I doubt, now, whether I will ever even get married, let alone never need a full time job. Wow... I never thought this is where my life was going. I see now, that everything has been leading up to the Marines and to a life of singleness, but it still surprizes me how different my planes were from Gods. I think He did that on purpose, that trickster! But you know what?? I'm ok with it all. I am now, anyway. It used to make me really upset and lonely to think that I might not ever be married, but know I understand. I don't know why it's this way, but I understand that that is the direction that I'm supposed to go in. Wow.. God is awsome!! He really really is!
I've changed so much. Part of it is the change of plans... I guess I've changed just enough to prepare me for the task ahead. You know, I used to be scared of spiders and snakes?? Not anymore... I used to not even want to look at slugs and things like that.. this summer I was picking leeches off of kids (and myself) without thinking about it. Incredible... and I'm not sure if it has just come with age, or God has been giving me expriances that are going to help me in the future. Probably both. Well... I hope all of you are as sure about the Mariens as I am... I would hate to leave my friends still in doubt about the path that I have chosen. All I want is prayer and lots of letters!! I need at least one letter a day! I don't care who it's from, but boot camp will go by so much faster if I can look forward to mail call. I've been told that letter from home have been the only thing that kept recruits going though The Crucible. so I'm counting on you to sustain me! Start writing letters now to send me later! that would be awsome! MAybe I'll write a few letter to myself. I could do that too!
I love you guys!! TTYL! Bubbye!

Wow

That last post was really long and really weird.... I'm so sorry!! I'm hungry too... I think I'll go eat

Omg, like, hey!

Hey ya'll! Becky and everyone else, don't even think about that last post.. I keep saying thing that I don't intend to say.. it's really not that big of a deal and I'm really sorry that I'm complaining so much. Gosh... I'm really bad at being inconspicuous. I'm really bad at a lot of stuff... grr! Like keeping my big fat obnoxuious mouth shut! RRRRR! That really annoys me that I'm annoying everbody else. And I'm not even going to teell you what I'm talking about becasue that's what I'm working on right now. Keeping stuff to MYSELF! Gosh that's so frusterating!

OK!! Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts!

I am so hyper... but really tired. in the last, like, 4 hours, I've had two and 1/2 Red Bulls and half of Chris' Dr. Pepper. That'a lot of Caffiene! Wow..... I can't even handle Skittles well. lol.

OK! I have all these songs in my head that I can't get out! mostly christmas songs! I think that's half of what's making me so dad-gum happy!

I'm mad. No I'm not I just felt like saying it. It makes me feel important.
Susannah! I love that CD!!!!! thank you sosososososososo much!!!!!!!!!!!
Not that you're ever on to read this... and you NEVER update your blog! NEVER NEVER NEVER!!!!

I threw a snowball today. Well, more than one.... more like 60. no not quite that much... about 20.. maybe more... I really don't know. But it was fun. Really fun. I haven't done that in a long long time. And Justin got slush alllllllll up my shirt! That was reallllly cold. hehehehe!

I like smirfs... they are such cute perky people! I wanna be a smirf. Jared says that they're too liberal and don't know how to have a good war every now and then. And I guess he's a little right, I mean, how do they keep their economy balanced without a war every so often?? Oh well, I guess that the secret of economic sucsess is hidden in the depths of the forest in the trees and kept by little blue dudes in white hats. Scary... what is this world coming to!

I'm drinking Jucy-Juice! The mango stuff. It's good but not as good as the Tropical kind. That's my favorite. Does anyone else drink juice as much as me?? probably not casue all I drink is water and juice.... and LOTS of milk! I LOOOOOOVE milk.... Chocolate milk, strawberry milk, normal milk, mocha milk, milk milk milk! I loooove milk! And yet I am still very small boned! How does that work! I thought milk made bones grow?? I'll ask Dr. Clark.

Hats are scary. really. Things that are made to cover your head and obstruct the veiwing of your eyes. I think only bad people should wear hats so then we could know who they were. I guess that wouldn't work huh? Hats are still scary.

I'm writing a fake report on a celebraty. But I'm not going to tell you who.. you'll laugh... I was just bored one day so I starting collecting data and writing an in epth report. Yeah, I know.... whatever.

Ewww...... That was gross...

Emily is looking at me... it's kinda creepy....

Hey! Guess what?? we got a stereo in our car now!! A CD player!!!!! I'm so excited!! I love it! WEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

I get my restricted liscense in two weeks!!! I'm happy about that too!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And a happy new year!!!! Wohoo!

Wow.... I think I just need to leave so I can't say anything else random! Bubbye!!!!!!!!!!!! and may the joy of the Lord follow you wherever you go like a rain cloud on those cartoons.. but in a good way... not a bad one..

ok so..... goodbye!

Goodness Gracious and Cheeze Whiz

That last post was problably the whiniest thing I have ever written! Omg, I am so embarrassed!. Please just forget that you ever saw it. I would erase it if you guys hadn't already commented about it. I am fine! My knee will heal and I need to just shut up about things! Goodness!

OK! So, who's up for a really BAD joke???

One day, this huge black Penguin had car trouble.

HAHA!! Penguins don't drive!! HAHAHAHA!

ok... that was really bad... but I bet that you at least smiled at the stupidity. lol... ok I have nothing of substence to say. Not that I say anything of substence anyway. Oh well,....
I have a problem... (Why do these things always happen to me?!) I have two friends (wow!) and they hate each other. I mean really hate. And both of them talk to me about the other.. And I tell them not to, but it always happens anyway. When one of them plans something, they ask that the other not be invited. Now, I can't exclude both of these people from the other because they have a lot of the same friends and want to hang out at the same places... It won't work. But I'll also make both of them mad if I refuse to be sympathetic to their concerns. I have a feeling like I'm going to lose one friendship or the other... It's like they're asking me to choose... And I can't do that! I just can't! I love both of them! O my.......

AND! omg..... We have been selling ornaments to fund our mission trip, as well as some jars of cookie mix... Last night at play practise, Some one stole all the money that was in the box on the table of stuff! They put the box in the back of the toilet in the ladies room and took allll our money!!! About 50 dolars! We're so upset! I had to be someone from the church, because the door were locked. It just surprizes me that anyone would literally steal from orphans! That's what it was for... to help get stuff for the boys in Honduras. I just can't believe it... It seem like everything that we try to do screws up and ends up hurting us. We bought enough supplys to make 1200 ornaments... we've sold about 100... and it's almost christmas. We made about 30 dollars over what the materials cost... all this work... for thirty meesly dollars... and fifty of it got stolen... I'm really about to cry.... I wanted this so bad... but I can't go unless I have the money... and I don't have the money....
And my kne problem is pretty much gone.. I'm happy about that... but now I have three pinched nerves in my left foot.... look gross and hurts like crazy. It got stepped on at a weird angle and now I can't feel my toes... at all. I just got to where I can move them again. Last night I could move them at all.

I'm so sad... all the peope that I'm closest with at my marine functions are leaving in january... Robby, Aaron, Rachel, Susan, and Casey.... I'm gonna miss them all! Especially Rachel... we're like, twins... it's crazy. and I saw them for the last time saturday... and Robby is really scared... I tolfd him not to be but he won't listen... imagin that...

It snowing! Wow...

I don't like peas... I like green beans.. but I don't like peas... weird huh?

oh! never mind!

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

I ahev a bruise... on my knee. Nothing important. I am almost upset. I get hurt so often, wheneber I'm like "mom, my knee hurts" she says "you're knee always hurts" and goes on with her merry little life. It's like everyone is desensatized to my pain. DO I NOT MATTER!?!?! Oh I know.. Shut up. but I am a bit perplexed. when taylor's like, "my stomach hurts" m0m goes insane and brings him drinks and tells him that he's getting sick and should stay home. I NEVER get to stay home! no fair. OK I'll be quiet about it now... I just had to get it out.
I'm making a 'B' in history. I just know it! I can't stand that!!!m AHHHHHH! I have NEVER made a B! have I already told you this? W/e. It's not important to anyone anyways.

Yada yada yada

I know that that last post was weird and I'm sorry. I humbly apologize for being strange. I guess it comes naturally, but not for most people. Today is beginning and tomorrow is waiting and I need to go do some school. That's my profound statment for today. I had an epiphany today. it wasn't really but it makes me sound important so that's what we'll call it. I've decided that I am my own person and I can do, say, think, and wear what I darn well please as long as it meets God's standards. If I want to wear suspenders, fine. I will. If I want to say "cookies" in place of a bad word. Great. My choice. If I want to giggle like a girl, I CAN DO THAT TOO! I am not butch and I don't have to pretend to be. It's ok if I cry... ALL marines cry sometimes. I can dress preppy if I want to. What's the harm in that? I can also wear pajamas to Karate if I want! I can I can I can!!!! and the sad part? I just figured that out. I know.. weird. I have finally learned to go "the heck with it all" and dress and act the way I cookie well please! lolololol!!! AN dit makes me happy!!!! I'm so excited! wow... how liberating.

NO MORE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING EVER AGAIN!!!!! sorry, I'm just really upset that I am broke. After I had all that money.... and now... it's gone! I hope Amber likes her gifts... I really spent too much on her and I can say that here because she never visits blogs! so no one tell! Wellp.... I need to go it's late and I need sleep. I actually have to think in the morning.
Bubbyeness and Coolness for the remainder of your day.

Dad- Matt called for James

That was what it said. And I stared at it, like a 90-year-old Conservitive Southern Baptist lady stares at a hairy biker in leather. It disgusts me. I have stared at that note for the last two months. It annoys me... it looks at me and makes me wonder if it's not alive. It gives me a sinking feeling like it know's exactly what is going to happen and I don't. I hate that. staring at the same things everyday can drive you crazy...

I'm hungery. Very. But I'm too lazy to get up and do something about it. Wow. The epidimy of laziness is when you starve yourself because you don't want to get up.
I'm even too lazy to write this post. Goodnight.

whadya call a butcher's dance? A meatball!!!

Um...... Hola. And I DO NOT have green stuff in my teeth!!!!! (I was sure you wanted to know that)
I love you too Susannah!!! and I WILL be at the craft day fri... tomorrow...wow.
I'm drinking coffee.. and...well, n/m that's gross.

Sunlight is pretty,
Bunnies are cute,
My sock when down,
In the laundry chute.

that was terrible. sorry... I'll work on more poetry someday... just not today.
I'm sitting at the computer right now.... with headphones on.... am I listening to music? no... radio program? no... just silence. I really don't know why I don't just take them off... I guess I'm lazy.
I have this thing.. down at the bottom of my screen... it says "Post as 'Erine' - Post as 'Anonymous'" PLEASE tell me that if I posted as Anonymous that you would know who I was..?
What is the piont of that?? It's YOUR blog.. everyone knows it's YOU... how stupid. People just like options.
Brb



I'm back. Not that you would have known I was gone neway... MUHAA!!!!!! Am I gone now? Am I gone now?

Well, you're WRONG! I wasn't gone either time! HAHAHA! Fooled you!

I need sleep.... but I also really want to DO SOMETHIGN besides school... it feels like I never get out nemore except that I'm out all the time... I don't know how that works. I go to school, piano and Karate... that's it... and bible study, and church, and all those STUPID CHRISTMAS PARTIES THAT ARE BEING PLANED EVERYWEEKEND OF MY DECEMBER! ok sorry. It's not like I don't like christmas parties, but you can only go to so many before you burn out. I'm burnned out and I haven't been to ONE yet. I have a Missionettes party, a Sunday School party, a piano recital party, a women's shopping trip, a yaya sister thing, and a poolie meeting!! not to mention all that 'family' stuff I get dragged into! I CAN"T TAKE IT!!!!!! I love christmas but it really stresses me out! not only that but i'm like, out of money... and I'm not egzagerating... or however you spell it. Whatever.. I need to go.. I'm tired just thinking about it!

Popsicles in winter??

How do popsicle companies stay alive in the winter? What if you creat this amazing new popsicle and you start producing and then winter comes and you family starves cause no on buys popsicles in the winter! I think we alllll need to go buy a popsicles to KEEP OUR COUNTRY FROM A NEW DEPRESSION OF POPSICLES!!!!!!!!!

Alright. Now, I am going to post lirics... I know.. Cop out... but hey! I really do like this song!

Hello McFly
Relient K

A roll of the dice, a slip of the tounge,
-I was stirring the honet's nest-
It finally got me stung.
I tried to do the right thing
but the wrong was done
It's over, excuse my grammar,
but the fat lady is sung.

(wao wao)
And I wish I was
Michael J. Fox-
I'd visit the past
then come back to the future
when I cleaned up my act.
I don't know what went through my head
was my conscience shot?
was it left for dead?
I said I'm sorry but no one heard
cause actions, actions speak louder than words.

I think I made God angery,
yeah I'm sure that he's irate.
I just hope my remorse is not
too little too late.
I gave Him my track record
He gave me a clean slate.
I'm forgiven and I'm livin
with no sin on my plate.


You know... Susannah used to write the most random things to one another... now all that happens is she writes random stuff and I sit back and laugh. And All I ever talk about is serious stuff on my blog.. like, I can't think to say anyhting but the thing that has been bothering me all day.. or week whatever.
I'm sure this has to be the most boring blog in the whole history of blogging. Maybe I'm a Shnook... Idk....

Blah blah blah


now that that's said...
why do watermelons have so much water in them?


the were planted in the spring!

lol... that amused me.... for, like.... two hours.
I can't help if I'm ... whatever... Blonde maybe.

OK..... I'm going to go now cause I'm fresh out of things to write

I'll order more and be back later

HEEEEEEEERREES ERNIE!!!!

OK, thank you for commenting on my stuff... I really enjoy reading what you have to say...
I was just out training tonight.. at the Dojo with Rachel, Sensei Cunningham, Josh, Brice, and Kyle,...and I really got humbled.
People tell me all the time that I'm doing so well.. come to find out that they mean well as in better than my rank... not all around "good". Josh was making me so mad!!! saying stuff like 'women should never have been allowed to take Karate in '73!" of course he only wanted to get on my nerves.. but still!!!!! And the worst part was... I tried sooooooo hard to beat him in grappling(wrestling) and I couldn't! I really was out of breath and hurting all over when I finally tapped out that I could hardly stand. I knew it took some effort on his part, but I couldn't even hold him for more than, like,30 secs.... AWFUL!!! I was really embarassed. Of course, he beat rachel and Sensei Cunningham as well, but I really was making me so mad that I couldn't get him sweating hard and frusterated.
AND THEN!!!!!
Omg...... I was grappling with Sensei, and I was doing pretty well, and all the sudden her elbow came down hard on my throat and I totally blanked. I remember her elbow comming down and then Josh asking me how many fingers... it was bad.
Apparently, I had enough sense to tap out.. and she didn't quite hear me, so she asked and I tapped again. She rolled off and asked oif I was ok and I didn't answer. So she got all freaked and asked me again.. again I didn't answer. So everyone was like, omg.... I finally told her that I was ok(I don't remember that) adn I tried to sit up and couldn't. Josh asked me to look at him to see if my pupils were dialated... they were. He told me later that it was like i was looking right through him.. then he asked me how many fingers.. 2...right...then I siad 3... wrong.. 5. Everyone flipped. I honestly don't remember anything up untill he asked me again a few minutes later how many fingers.. I got it right. but only after 10 minutes on the floor and some sips of water.

I have to say that was the scariest time of my life... I thought at first I was gonna die...then I thought I was going to lose my vision... but I'm fine now... nothing but some bumps and brusies.
BTW, I was wrestleing again 20 mins later and ALMOST won. Grr......

I have so much school to do it's not even funny.. I'm paniced. I've never had to do this much over a weekend. I'm not sure if I can fit it all in.... I'm really stressing over this. More so than I ever have. It's scares me that I won't make a pssing grade this year and have to retake something therefore effectivly delaying my bootcamp.... Ahh! I would cry! I want this so bad! I can taste it! I just... and I'm NOT going to fail anything.. honest.. but I'm unreasonalbe and won't listen to myself sometimesso I tend to worry about the stupidest stuff. Like failing. I've never made lower than a B, and that B was only twice when I took Dr. Clark's stupid Lad Practicals. I hated those.
Anyway.. I'm probably boreing you.. I'm sure you're going.. 'how long can this girl talk?!?" Quite a while to answer your question.. so I'll stop myself now... Love and peaceness!!!

Ernie

I like Cheese...

That title has nothing to do with anything...really I just felt like saying it. OK!! There are these guys at Karate who consider me a 'challenge' because I don't go out with guys. So now, they are trying to see who can get me to like them first. It's really disgusting. I mean...gross.... I'm going to MAKE someone like me just to see if I can?? how stupid! BTW I know that they are planning this because there is ONE sane man in this world and he happens to favor me somewhat so he told me what he heard. NOW.... SOME people have encouraged me to set up a date with each of these guys at the same time and place... just to be mean... but I really don't think I can pull that off...besides I don't think I'm mean enough for that. So... I think I'm just gonna play along with each of them and make them think that I like them up untill the get ready to ask me out then I can be like "I know what you've been up to and I can't believe that you would do something like that to me! I'm never speaking to you again" then of course I won't talk to them for abut two weeks. After they feel totally miserable... I might ease u and start speaking to them again. Will that work?
I just can't decide if they would even feel guilty... a know a couple will... but there's one tht I believe has no form of morality or conscience at all. So I guess there's no way to teach him a lesson except to beat him up.
There's only one problem with that.
I can't.
He's REALLY good...and I'm only good if you compare me to others of my own rank. he's seven ranks above me...... grrrrr. that just means he knows more and has more experiance...
I wish...Idk... I wish I was PERFECT!!!!!! It's sickening how many times I've wished that. I hate to be bested. I need to get over that.... but I can't. It's part of who I am. Competitive.
I guess I need to go.... I have LOTS of school to do!!!

Boys are stupid...throw flowers at them

I really am starting to think that I'm never going to find any boy that I actually like. I haven't had a real cruh for years and the most recent wasn't really a crush...just an ifatuation with the idea of having a boyfriend. When I join the marines, I'm not going to have the time or energy for a relationships, and I don't really think I want a work relationship. I don't know. I'll most likely never get married. I know I want to, but I'm independant enough and secure enough to do without. That thought used to scare me...to never get married was an idea that I never wanted play with. But now, I'm really ok with that. I don't think I would mind not getting married as long as I had a few male friends to hang with and talk to. That houldn't be a problem. After all...only 7% of marines are female, and out of that, 38% are married already. That leaves about 4% of marines for the remaining 93% to try and talk to! lol....this is gonna be rough. My CO told me that if you act professional and disconnected most men will leave you alone because they get so intimidated by a woman who can physically and mentally keep up and exceed whatever they can do. I think that's awsome. So if I simply act like this is a job not an opportunity to meet guys, I should be fine! Wow, I'm excited.
I can't wait to push myself through boot camp. Just to know that I made it, and I kept up with everybody else and that I can accomplish anything that is set on my way, that's just an awsome feeling. It really builds confidence as well as character and discipline. I'm probably gonna cry when my DI calls me a Marine for the first time.... I has to be an emotional moment.

I guess the hardest part of being a marine, for me, is to watch what I say and how I say it. Not only concerning profanity, but also... I'm kinda sarcastic and that will NOT go over well in boot camp. I need to just keep my mouth shut. The strong silent type... lol. Well...enough about that, I need to go eat.. I'm hungery!

Rain...

Sitting dark settles on apprehensive hearts.
Cold, quiet, thick, drops
Color mocks the moving stillness all around
Dancing, skipping,
circling the ancient screen of dripping leaves.

Pounding hammers fall and break,
Waiting....waiting, knowing renewal comes,
Amidst the water, thursting.
You drink your sorrow, you laugh your pain

Demanding perfection, yerning chaos.
Unhappiness fuels your joy.
Searching everywhere but not,
we shun the music of sadness.

Rivers wind our man-made traces of life.
Knowing only discontent,
we tame the wonder of our nature,
Twisting miracles to fit our distress.

Turning beauty into monsters,
Happiness into evil,
Rain into death.

Goodness gracious! You know..I'm almost sick of the computer? It's sad.... all I REALLY do on it is school. It gets so darn annoying, cause everytime I get on the computer, I almost always go to google to do research. And then I don't have to do school, I wonder whaqt the heck poeple do to waste time. I know it sounds stupid! I honestly can't think of a good way to spend time while I wait for people to get on IM.
I love Karate. I can't believe I had to go without it at the beggining of my life. I have it on thursdaysand then the next time is on Tuseday. Over this extremely LOOOOOONG weekend I go through this kind of withdraw. I physically yern for kata and kumite. I get so excited on tues morning that I can hardly stand to wait all day. I wish I could drive!!! I would go to EVERY class I could. Day and night. every day I could. Mom only wants to go the minimum. I'll admit, We're the most regular underbelts there. We hardly miss a class. But still....It's like a part of me. I'm addicted. I know you think I'm crazy... Maybe I am.. But it's like my calling to be there. Does God really work like that? Wow. He like, puts you in this position and then helps you to love it. Honestly, when Taylor first started, I thought it was stupid. Then mom wanted me to take with her, but I still didn't really like it. Once I got to Gold belt, I fell head over heals in love. I might just finish up with the marines and then come back and "marry" Karate. Several people have donme than. Come to every class and forget about romantic relationships. Sounds good to me right now. I really don't like guys. There're so selfish and rude. Leastwise all the ones I've met. I'm even kinda mad at some of the guys I'm closest to. Grrrrrrrr... why do, can't they just, Idk! Shut up!


I'm all better.so far, Bush is winning. Yeahhh!

I'm sitting here... 9 o'clock on a tuseday night and NO ONE is on IM!!!!! I'm very upest. Not even those people that I know that I just don't talk to! ON ONE literally is on! GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! GRR GRR GRR!!!!!!

OK! I said I was ok....so I'm going to be ok.
I wanna sleep. Goodbye!

RAAARRRR!!

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! fjdiemasijaa~! Yeah. That's how I feel. what?! you don't understand? Me neither. That's problem. I have all these feelings that I can't express. I really feel like I'm going to explode!!!!!!! I'm serious! I feel like I can't hold it all in!

Neway.. no one really wanted to know that I'm sure.
Blah!

ummmmm.... pizza....... with chocolate..... and marshmellows.... sounds heavenly.

'keeping up appearances' is probably the funniest british show I have ever seen. How you seen it? It's great. I love it. "hello, Mrs. Bucket!" "It's Bouquet, Darling! It's French!" LOL! Rose, Daisy, and Hyacinth Bucket.....lol.

Bubbles are awsome. I hope there's bubbles in heaven.
Bubbles!

I can't wait for the election to be over!!!! Arg! I'm so sick of all these... gulp... TELEMARKETERS! sorry susannah.... I really do love you. I just...well.... you know better than anyone.

I need to go... I need sleep... bad.

hey peeps! how are you doing today? I cain’t wait to hang again. Did you notice the way I spelled ‘cain’t’? I think that’s how it SHOULD be spelled. It sounds that way neways. Well I’m here all by my self today and I’m wondering what the heck I’m supposed to do with my life. Like, Everyone thinks that since I’m going into the marines that I know automatically what’s going to happen me in the next 5 years. That’s just not true. I have no clue what I’m supposed to do After I get in. right now all I can think about is school. Sad, but true. I can’t focus on anything without thinking that I’m supposed to be doing school work. School school schooooool! I can’t get away from it! I thought my senior year would be easiest…but I’m so worried about everything else that I can’t concentrate and I’m so confused and stressed out. And I really don’t know why I’m stressed except the fact that all I ever do is run places, doing things, then cram school into the mess. I honestly think that the so-called “real world” is going to be so much easier that school life. At least you know what’s coming. You know that you work, sleep, eat, and pay bills. You know life is hard, but you have time to get over that at the end of the day. Now, I am so busy that all I can do at night is school, till I can’t function nemore and so I fall into bed. Does life honestly get worse? How horrid. And I live why??? I have no clue. I floating around doing what I’m told to do and then dreaming of the day that will never come. That day when I can just sit and think about NOTHING. I really can’t do that. I have so much to do that that’s all I can think of when I actually take time to sit. Grr…… I really need a vacation. Just to get away from all the pressure. Everyone expects me to be perfect. None of my teachers understand that I have a life and a half and that I can’t devote all my time to this one subject. Why do grown-ups think that adolescent life is so easy?? Grown-ups.. lol…..when do they stop being grown-ups? How old do you have to be before you understand that we’re all people. Just different ages. Adults think that we have it so easy and that we don’t appreciate all that they go through. Kids are stressed out and don’t understand why adults don’t understand why we’re stressed out. I can’t do this anymore. I have school I should be doing. I’ll talk to you guys later. Peace.

Thank you sososo much for your comment susannah. It was lovely. I have this very strange feeling inside today...like I'm waiting for something to happen...but I don't know what it is. It's so strange. But that's not completely it...there's more to it than that. it's like...I have this yearning...a desire to be...diferent, somehow. I really don't know how to describe it. I have to..I don't know...I'm so restless. I need....help. I have such a busy life,and I get so stressed out about it, but if I do less things, I get so restless and unhappy. I don't know what to do with spare time....
My sister asked me if I could do one thing all day, what would it be? I had no clue. talk to my friends? go to the mall? have a party? just sit and read? I honestly don't know. Pathetic? maybe. I don't know. Wow...I need to go..I'm confusing myself.

Green tomatoes really don't tast as good as red ones.

"I have measured my life in coffee spoons." -T.S. Elliot

Wow I was just reading my post..I spelled like everything wrong. Sorry.

Boo! I was just reading my poem again...it's very depressing. and it dosen't even reflect the way I feel. Actually I feel relitivly happy at the moment. I say reletivly because, for me, this isn't THAT happy...but for normal people...it's pretty darn Joyous. I feel like.....singing. Nice and loud. So that the whole world can hear me. I feel like the whole world needs to know that I'm here and I love EVERYONE!!! I really don't know why I just said that, accept the fact that it's true there is no really reson for me to say nay of this. Wow.......I'm purposless tonight. kool.
I've always had this idea that I'm never doing enough. That I'm lasy or avoiding work. I know that's not true (most of the time..:) because I'm always doing SOMETHING. I can;t be lazy when I don't remember that last time I sat down was. N/m. I do remember. It was in the car on the way back from Karate. Before that....in the car going to Karate...before that.....I have no clue. close as I can figure it was at lunch. grr...I need to slow down. But that's why I'm here. to vent. I HAVE A PUROSE!!! darn it! I was hoping to get out of that for a while.
So! Classes are tomorrow....I'm not sure I like classes. It just seems like a whole lotta work for nothing. no scholarships, no credits (not that I need them) no fun...ok...a LIL fun....
I talked to a guy named Josh today. Weird guy I met at camp 3 years ago who found a way to get my number and who calls me every now and then to whine. I'm surprised I'm in a good mood. WOW! that's awosme! I've defied circumstances and found my inner joy!! Awsomeness!! Well...I have to go share my joy with my house hold. I think they need it.

Luv ya!

Ernie