Hey guys!!
I um.......Updated. Here's some random quotes and stuff. Pretty boring....but hey! it's something!!!






Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?


I think the worst thing that could happen to an actor when they are onstage is to forget their lines and get so frusterated they start stabbing the other actors

Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: Straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go "Whoa! Whoa!" and flail your arms around, like you're going to fall in.

During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."

Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.

I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.

If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what *really* throws you into a panic.

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
-George Bush

"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-Brooke Shields

As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. - Weisert

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

"Please provide the date of your death."
-from an IRS letter

"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes."
-Richard (Dicky) Nixon

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-Lee Iacocca

"A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on."
-Samuel Goldwyn

Helpful Warnings: "CAUTION: Knife is very sharp. Keep out of children"

"The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman."
-Rear Admiral James R. Hogg

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper
in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
-Correction notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."
-Batman costume warning label

"The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others."
-Gerry Brown

"I was provided with addtional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
-Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony

"We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover."
-Parish Magazine

"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
-Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister
"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst

"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
-Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel

"I've read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents."
-George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor

The world is more like it is now then it ever has before.
Dwight Eisenhower

Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again.
-- Sen. Chris Dodd (D, Conn.), on the Don Imus show, on campaigning

If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate.
-- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.

Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.
-- Sen. Barbara Boxer, (D, Calif.)

Joey Bishop (talk-show host): Would you like to become a regular on the show? Barry Goldwater: No, thank you. I'd much rather watch you in bed with my wife.

You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out. That's a good-looking mummy!
-- President Bill Clinton, looking at the recently-discovered Inca mummy "Juanita"



ok....well.....hope you enjoyed that. I WILL post more later.

Love Always,

Ernie