Was it always this way?

This is a little thing I wrote.. I really don't know what it is.. But it seems to ... Sum up pretty well my outlook at this time...
I wrote it in Ms. Erbach's class one day.. I changed it a bit.. But this is it


Life happens only slowly, and by the time we realize it's here, it goes away and leaves us puzzling.
When we're vibrant, happy, young,... We hope for tomorrow, yearn for tomorrow. To become, to forget, to live. Always looking forward we waste our young lives with dreams of the future. We prepare ourselves to be something great. Always wishing... Always hoping.
Stronger, older and wiser, we spend our time bracing for a 'rainy day.' Working sleeping eating... Missing out on the dreams we once had. No more time for wishes or daydreams. Our time is filled elsewhere, though where and what for is undetermined. As long as we make it there fast and on top. Thinking always about what's ahead and worrying over it. Dreams are forgotten, lives are hurried through unnoticed. Our hopes of greatness shoved aside in pursuit of prosperity.
Now old, incapable, and decrepit, we idolize the past and treasure our memories. Rehashing things that happened, or perhaps didn't happen, and forget. Forget who we are, what we're doing, where we're going. Only yesterday stays alive in our dying minds. The only thing we now wish for is a chance to return. To return to the past that we have wasted.
Is today ever really here? Or is it a flicker of hope always evading capture until finally, it leaves and we have nothing to long for except the past. The past we have used to get us to where we are now; a place we never really wanted to be. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is never here. Today? Today is transition into tomorrow. Today; always here and never gone. And yet we never accomplish anything 'today'. Tomorrow is always our goal.
What hope, then, does this generation have? What can be done to save us from our future? Dreams have failed, reminiscence is a steel trap that closes cruel claws around the unsuspecting. Is there any hope for today?
Beware to the emotional historians. If today had not once been then yesterday would not exist. Make todays something to remember instead of remembering yesterdays.
Beware to the dreamers. Today is a precious gift that gives us, in a sense, a tomorrow. Tomorrows are worth nothing if there is nothing invested in a today.

If today cannot be beautiful, how can tomorrow hope to surpass?

Ha! I found me!

Hey guys. "Some" of you (meaning one) have expressed concern regarding my current emotional, physical, or psycological state. I must tell all of you that I am perfectly fine. If at times it seems I seem a bit distant, it's because I have lots on my mind. I mean goodness, I have graduation, Karate Nationals, upcoming bootcamp, and allllll of my friends telling me how much they'll miss me when I leave. Not that I don't love all of those things.. but it's a lot of pressure. trying to cram all of this stuff inot the remaining weeks that I have is horrendous. And on top of that I have some friends that are just being stupid so I'm busy worrying about them, and worrying about Honduras, and just plain stressin out. So! That's why. I have a lot on my mind. It's not cause I don't love each and every single one of you... it's just cause I'm distracted.

I have had a revolutionary idea. Chris thinks it's crazy.. but I think it could work.
I was at the movie theater, and I realized that none of the cups fit the cup holders. But if you make the cup holder big enough to hold the large.. then it's too big for the small. so! I have come up with a million dollar idea. What if... WAIT!!!!!
This idea is MINE and no one can take it! For all you blog surfers.. if anyone steals this idea I will hunt you down and kill you!
Ok,
you have this cup holder with a little lever on the side that when you pull foward, decreases the size of the hole. And when you pull back, it increases the size. you can make it fit ANY cup! poeple would have them in the theater, in cars, lazy-boys... the possibilties are endless!!! This is pure geneous!
Alright... so it's a crazy idea... I still think it could work.
I'm really tired.. so I'm gonna go. I'l ttyl. Bubbye!

Have a little faith...

You know what I'm sick of?? Grr.. I can't even stand it.
All these people that have some sort of prejudice or bad expiriance with the military and try to tell me that... well, I'll give you examples.
My recruter came into the dojo and got introduced and all that jazz. After he left I was talking to some "un-named person" about what we did in poolie meetings and stuff, and they asked if I liked my recruter. I said "Yes, I not only have a high respect for him, but I also value his friendship and mentoring." This "UP" then declared that is was good that I liked him now becasue I would "Grow to hate that man".
And I know that bootcamp is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I'm not sugar-coating it. But my goodness! Am I not allowed to have a positive outlook on it?? Can I not look forward to all the they will teach me, and all the things I will have a chance to do? Can I not be excited about the more interesting things that are going to happen to me? It seems like every time I say that I'm exctied about bootcamp people laugh at me like I'm either niive or stupid. Is there no respect anywhere???? Do you know that not once have I been thanked for signing away 5 years or more of my life to help protect these stupid little people that run around pretending they know what's going to happen to me? Do have any clue as to how many times people have warned me about the "temptation" that goes along with working with mostly males. They tell me that I'll be raped.. they tell me that it'll be too hard... they tell me I'll hate the structure, that I won't pass... Well I say "SHUT UP!" I will NOT be a statistic! I will NOT give up, give in, be weak, or let someone take advantage of me. I am not the type of girl to sit back and let something happen to me. People don't believe me when I say that I can take care of myself. They don't believe me when I say that I would walk away with a body part before my attacker would win. What the general public doesn't know is that I'm ME. If you don't really know someone, shut up. Don't tell them what they can or cannot do. I'm about to get angry at the America I have so passionately defended. Both in deed and conversation. Can 'we the people' really have learned nothing in the last century? I thought we could do 'anything we put our minds to', yet every time you turn around, you're told you can't do something. Because of whatever reason, we limit ourselves to others expecations, and it makes me sick. There are so many people that have so much potential ... and most of them will never amout to anything because they rely on other people for their strength. They can only do what they're encouraged to do. Not what THEY think they can do, but what others tell them they can do. It's disgusting. It really makes me upset to see so many lives wasted... And I do see... I talk to people all the time who I think could realy use the Marine Corps... I ask them what they're doing with their lives, and then ask if they'd like to think about the Marines. Do you know what 99% of them say?? "Oh I could never do something like that. I'm not strong enough." And you know what? I would bet that 80% of those people are relying on the fact that someone else doesn't think they can do it. Whether it's parents, friends, family, who knows... but they all live with that ghost. The one that lives inside telling you that something is impossible. I hate it. It hurts me to see the self esteem in this country be depleted. Even the cockey ones are only puffing themselves up for fear of being critisized. I can't talk about it anymore.. it exausts me. I'm sorry this wasn't the most uplifting post ever.. but it's what was on my mind... it needed to come out.

This is the Moment Of Twuf. Here 'tis.

Hey all! I am back for a lovely trip to the beach, I am tan, peeling, and SO glad to be home. I know this sounds like, so weird to you guys, but I am a schedule type of person and I need some sort of routine so that I don't go crazy. Just sitting around not knowing what was going to happen in the next hour was really getting to me. I think I scared everybody.. I just got really weird.. kinda.. Idk.. I get depressed when you leave me alone with my thoughts, then I start thinking about my life and the junk that's going on and wondering what the future holds... and then I get weird. I end up not really wanting to talk to neone, or do anything, and get really annoied at litle stuff. it's almost like I handle stress as an escape and I handle and escape like stress... Woa.... scary
so neways.. that's why the military is so good for me! God knew.. He always does.
So! that was just a little teaser for when I have time to actually write something interesting.. right... like anything I write is interesting to anyone but me! ha!
Oh well..
Talk to you guys later!

Peace and apples!

Ernie