HEEEEEEEERREES ERNIE!!!!

OK, thank you for commenting on my stuff... I really enjoy reading what you have to say...
I was just out training tonight.. at the Dojo with Rachel, Sensei Cunningham, Josh, Brice, and Kyle,...and I really got humbled.
People tell me all the time that I'm doing so well.. come to find out that they mean well as in better than my rank... not all around "good". Josh was making me so mad!!! saying stuff like 'women should never have been allowed to take Karate in '73!" of course he only wanted to get on my nerves.. but still!!!!! And the worst part was... I tried sooooooo hard to beat him in grappling(wrestling) and I couldn't! I really was out of breath and hurting all over when I finally tapped out that I could hardly stand. I knew it took some effort on his part, but I couldn't even hold him for more than, like,30 secs.... AWFUL!!! I was really embarassed. Of course, he beat rachel and Sensei Cunningham as well, but I really was making me so mad that I couldn't get him sweating hard and frusterated.
AND THEN!!!!!
Omg...... I was grappling with Sensei, and I was doing pretty well, and all the sudden her elbow came down hard on my throat and I totally blanked. I remember her elbow comming down and then Josh asking me how many fingers... it was bad.
Apparently, I had enough sense to tap out.. and she didn't quite hear me, so she asked and I tapped again. She rolled off and asked oif I was ok and I didn't answer. So she got all freaked and asked me again.. again I didn't answer. So everyone was like, omg.... I finally told her that I was ok(I don't remember that) adn I tried to sit up and couldn't. Josh asked me to look at him to see if my pupils were dialated... they were. He told me later that it was like i was looking right through him.. then he asked me how many fingers.. 2...right...then I siad 3... wrong.. 5. Everyone flipped. I honestly don't remember anything up untill he asked me again a few minutes later how many fingers.. I got it right. but only after 10 minutes on the floor and some sips of water.

I have to say that was the scariest time of my life... I thought at first I was gonna die...then I thought I was going to lose my vision... but I'm fine now... nothing but some bumps and brusies.
BTW, I was wrestleing again 20 mins later and ALMOST won. Grr......

I have so much school to do it's not even funny.. I'm paniced. I've never had to do this much over a weekend. I'm not sure if I can fit it all in.... I'm really stressing over this. More so than I ever have. It's scares me that I won't make a pssing grade this year and have to retake something therefore effectivly delaying my bootcamp.... Ahh! I would cry! I want this so bad! I can taste it! I just... and I'm NOT going to fail anything.. honest.. but I'm unreasonalbe and won't listen to myself sometimesso I tend to worry about the stupidest stuff. Like failing. I've never made lower than a B, and that B was only twice when I took Dr. Clark's stupid Lad Practicals. I hated those.
Anyway.. I'm probably boreing you.. I'm sure you're going.. 'how long can this girl talk?!?" Quite a while to answer your question.. so I'll stop myself now... Love and peaceness!!!

Ernie