Thoughts..... thoughts? What are those?
I had this really cool post in my head during sunday school this morning, but I forgot it. Now we'll never know. Oh well.
I need something. Wisdom I gess. I need to make some tough desicions, and it doesn't help that God has been relativly silent. Of course, I've been kinda leaving him out of stuff. Not in a drastic way, it's just that I've been forgeting to read the bible and to pray as much as I should. He's probably just sending me a message.
I feel.... really weird about my current realtionships. I've always been kinda a social butterfly, talking to one group here, and another group there, till I'vegotten to know just about everybody. However, I know everybody in the same superficial way. I don't have many lasting, enduring, close friendships. When I'm in a group of people, I don't know who to talk to. I honestly don't feel very comfortable around anyone when there's big group. I always feel like someone is upset that I'm talking to certain people and not them. I no that's extremely conceeded and stupid, but it's one of those irrational fears. I have the fear of hurting peoples feelings. And the funny part is, the more I try not to hurt people's feelings, the more upset me friends get.
I really need to stop this rant. Cause you have no clue what I'm talking about nor am I about to explain. So I guess I'm at a loss.
There are so many things that I reallllly want to share with someone, but I can't. They're either too personal, or I can't put them into words. weird how life's like that.I neeed sleep. Maybe that will clear my head.
I get my liscense in three days!!!!!! YES!! Two days in about an hour...
well... later!
BTW, I'm really ok. I'm not depressed or anything. I'm just really confused and in a really weird mood. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
posted by Ernie @ 21:38
2 Comments:
You know, I never feel comfortable in big groups either - but it's for the exact opposite reason. I'm always afraid that if I spend too much time with one person when there's a lot of people around, then they'll feel like I'm hanging on them and get seriously sick of me. That's my big fear; that I annoy my friends to death and they refuse to tell me...silly probably...but it's there anyways.
That's not the only reason I don't like big groups, though.
And I do have a clue what you're talking about...I think...I mean, it made perfect sense to me.
Anyways...you know you can always talk to me if you want to. I mean, you don't have to, but if you are as desperate as you sound to just talk to someone, I'm here for you, Erin! *sappy sweet music plays in background as scene moves to slow motion* But seriously, if you want to talk, even if it won't make sense, you can call me.
Ooooo. That's not faaaaair that you get your license. I must make my mother relax her rules, then you MUST drive me somewhere...even if it's, like, down my mountain and back.
Oh Oh Oh! I so know how you feel!! Like, not very friendful! You know you have friends but you don't feel like you have friends! I think that perhaps this is because the dynamics of our group is changing and deffinately growing larger. But in the end, what I really like is to hang out with a couple of very good friends on Main St.
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